


Until You Want Me Gone

by JewishDavidJacobs



Series: On a Subway Platform [3]
Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: David lets him, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Jack wants to take care of David, M/M, No prior knowledge of the series required
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25464112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JewishDavidJacobs/pseuds/JewishDavidJacobs
Summary: David’s first episode while dating Jack had been right before their second date. His second episode while Jack was away. His third while Jack had the flu. Every single time, Jack hadn’t been around for one reason or another. David had been lucky, but it was bound to happen sometime.
Relationships: David Jacobs/Jack Kelly
Series: On a Subway Platform [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1841677
Comments: 18
Kudos: 89





	Until You Want Me Gone

David’s first episode while dating Jack had been right before their second date. His second episode while Jack was away. His third while Jack had the flu. Every single time, Jack hadn’t been around for one reason or another. David had been lucky, but it was bound to happen sometime.

They’d been living together for less than two months when it happened. He woke up and he couldn’t move. Jack was already gone for the day because Medda had asked him to come in early. There was no way he could get Chava to school on his own, though.

It hurt to think so much.

“Daddy?” Chava called for him as she knocked on the door. Upon receiving no answer, she entered. “Daddy? Can I have breakfast?”

When he didn’t answer, she climbed up onto the bed next to him. “Daddy?” Her bottom lip wobbled. “Should I call Aunt Sarah?”

She took his phone off the bedside table and he wanted the floor to swallow him up forever. The fact that his baby girl knew what to do when her father couldn’t function was devastating. She shouldn’t have had to learn that.

“Aunt Sarah? Daddy isn’t talking again. Can you come over?”

“It’s gonna be okay, Daddy,” she said once she was off the phone. Chava snuggled up to him and clutched at the sweatshirt he was wearing (Jack’s). “Aunt Sarah’s going to make it all better, just like you always make it all better for me.”

He would’ve cried if he’d had the energy.

“David?”

His sister was in his bedroom in what felt like the blink of an eye, but in reality must have been at least half an hour.

“Oh, neshama…” She drew his curtains and then sat on the bed, stroking the hair out of his face.

“Chava, can you go get dressed, sweetheart? Katherine’s going to be here soon to make you breakfast and take you to school.”

“Okay. Feel better, Daddy.” She kissed his forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he managed, barely a whisper. It was painful and draining but he couldn’t  _ not _ tell his daughter that he loved her.

“I’m going to call the doctor, okay?”

“No,” he begged.

“Why not?”

He whimpered.

“I know. I know it’s hard to speak, but I need to call him.”

He gave in and let her call. As he’d suspected, nothing changed. It was going to happen sometimes no matter what medication he was taking and it didn’t need to be switched. All the phone call did was make him have to speak. By the end, he was almost asleep, his pain the only thing keeping him awake.

Sarah left briefly and his confused mind didn’t think she was coming back. Tears ran down his cheeks. She eventually returned, but his relief didn’t make him stop crying. He chided himself for being stupid and emotional.

“Shh,” she soothed as she laid a damp washcloth over his eyes and forehead. She fluffed up his pillows and ran her hands through his hair.

“You’re going to be okay, David. I promise. Les will be here soon, okay? You’re doing really well. Relax as much as you can.”

But he couldn’t relax at all. His muscles were so tense that he was twitching and his headache got immeasurably worse. Sarah must have been able to tell because she helped him take ibuprofen. 

He only fell asleep when he heard Les enter the room a little while later. He couldn’t find the energy to be embarrassed that at twenty-four years old, he still needed his siblings to help him calm down. He would have plenty of time to be embarrassed later.

When he woke up, it was because the front door slammed open (or at least it sounded and felt like a slam to David because of his pounding head). 

“Sarah! Les! Nice surprise. What are you guys doing here?”

“Shh!”

David groaned. He had the fleeting realization that it was a positive sign that he even had the energy to groan, but he was more concerned with the fact — and it truly felt like a fact — that he would never be happy again. He wasn’t sure he could remember what happiness felt like. He wanted to remember. He wanted Jack.

The universe took pity on him.

“Davey?” Jack whispered.

David tried, but he couldn’t answer.

“It’s just me. I’m sorry if I woke you up. Can I get you anything?”

David closed his eyes again, too tired to keep them open. He heard Jack creep around quietly and change out of his paint-stained clothing and into pajamas. He heard the water running in the bathroom and the sound of Jack brushing his teeth. It was a sweet gesture. Even if Jack wasn’t going to bed, he probably knew that preparing for it would make David feel less guilty if he fell asleep.

The sheets lifted on the other side of the bed and a comfortable weight slipped in next to him. “Here, baby.” He helped David take more ibuprofen that he’d retrieved from the medicine cabinet.

“Is this okay?” he whispered. “I’ll leave if you want me to.”

It took a lot of effort for David to say, “Stay,” but he did.

“Okay. I’ll stay. Want me to hold you?”

David found it easier to nod than to speak. Jack wrapped himself around David. He curled up to his fiancé as closely as possible. Jack pulled the sheets and comforter up to cover his shoulders and he shifted so that David was practically on top of him, their legs tangled together. He rubbed his cheek against his chest, reveling in the warmth he was providing. Jack held him, arm across his shoulders. 

He exhaled, somewhat relieved. A tiny bit of his tension left him.

“There you go, baby. Just relax. I’ve gotcha and I love you so much.”

He made an effort to speak, but he couldn’t and he found himself getting frustrated.

“Shh, it’s okay. I know. You don’t have to say it.”

They lay in silence, Jack using his thumb to rub soothing circles into David’s shoulder, until the door opened again. No matter how hard she tried, Chava was a six-year-old, and six-year-olds were noisy. David appreciated the effort his siblings and Katherine were obviously making but it was for not.

He whimpered when something fell in the other room and Jack kissed the top of his head. “It’s okay, Dave.”

“Chava,” he cried softly.

“Shh, I know. I’m sure she’ll quiet down.”

“No.” Jack hadn’t understood his meaning. It was fine, though, because he didn’t want Chava there anyway, not really. In the moment, he did, but that was for him and not for her. She couldn’t ever be allowed to see him like this for more time than she had to.

Jack laid his chin on top of David’s head.

“You’re tensing again, baby. Rest.” He moved his hand and rubbed his back. “I’m proud of you. Thank you for letting me be here.”

“Jacky.”

“Yeah, baby?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Davey, no. There’s nothing for you to be sorry for. This isn’t your fault. All I want — all any of us want — is what’s best for you.”

He whimpered again.

“So you just rest now–” He kissed the top of his head. “–and if you fall asleep you fall asleep, and if you don’t you don’t. Either way, I’ll be here the whole time. I’ll be here until you want me gone.”

Tears fell again. Everything hurt so much but his fiancé was the most perfect man in the world (and yes, David knew he shouldn’t modify the word perfect but Jack was the exception. Perfect didn’t do him justice).

David slept through the night. He groaned as he awoke. After thirteen hours of sleep, he was feeling slightly better. He knew that he would be able to talk now if he used short sentences. His mouth wasn’t up for cooperating for longer periods of time yet.

Jack shifted next to him. It wasn’t clear whether or not he was awake. David forced himself to turn his head and look at this clock on his nightstand. It was already seven.

“Jacky?”

“Mm?” His fiancé was half asleep. “Dave?”

“You’re gonna be late.”

“I took the day off.” He opened his eyes and kissed David’s forehead. “You feeling better?”

“Yeah.”

“You look a little better. Less tired.” He smiled halfheartedly. David saw right through it but appreciated the effort nonetheless. “Do you want your brother and sister? They went home but told me to call if–”

“I’m okay.”

“You sure?”

“Mm. Work?”

Jack shrugged. “Figured you could use a day of cuddling.”

David didn’t want him to take time off for him, but even if he’d had the energy to object he wasn’t sure he would have. 

“I have to take her. School.”

“Nope. Your mom is taking her. She’s gonna swing by in about an hour.”

“Okay.” He tried not to feel guilty about it. He’d been better at accepting help these past few years, but it could still be hard at times.

“I’m gonna go get her up.”

“Can I see her?”

“Course, doll.” He kissed David’s forehead. “Then I’m gonna run you a bath, okay? You up for that? I know it’s hard to get up but it’ll be nice and relaxing, and I’ll make you a cup of tea. How does that sound?”

He nodded. “I love you. So much.”

“I love you so much, too.”

His wonderful fiancé went and retrieved his daughter. She grinned happily as they came into the room and she jumped onto the bed.

“Daddy!”

“Cześć, aniołku. I’m sorry about yesterday.” He spoke in Polish, not to isolate Jack, but when his brain was so tired, his native language was easier. It wasn’t that English was usually hard — he thought in it a lot of the time — which went to show how awful the episode was. 

“No worries, Daddy. Are you all better?”

“Not all better, but getting there. You were such a good girl yesterday. I’m so proud of you.”

She beamed and hugged him.

“Can I stay home with you today?”

“Oh, I wish, flower, but you have show and tell today, remember? Aren’t you excited?”

She nodded. “Yes. I’m bringing the painting I painted with Jack.”

“I know. You and Jack did an awesome job. You’re very talented, flower.”

“Excuse me,” Jack interrupted, “I heard my name twice. What are you two gossiping about?”

Chava giggled. “We’re not gossiping! We’re talking about our painting.”

“Well, that’s okay then. I’m gonna go make breakfast. You two enjoy your cuddle time, okay?” He kissed them both on the forehead.

This was so much easier with Jack around. He was accommodating and helpful and loved them both. David wasn’t sure how he had ever done it without him. Parenting was hard even when he wasn’t depressed and Jack’s assistance was invaluable. He knew he didn’t do it out of obligation to him, either. He did it because he wanted to and because he loved her. Nothing made David happier than his daughter and his fiancé loving each other.

“Are you excited for the wedding, Daddy?” she asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

“Yes. Very. Are you still okay with it?” It was hard to be excited just then — it was hard to be anything just then — but he knew had been excited when he wasn’t in the middle of an episode, and he couldn’t base his answers off of how he was feeling at that moment. Not to Chava.

“Yes! I’m so excited! Aunt Sarah says it’s in eight months.”

“Let’s get through Passover first,” he teased as best he could.

“Okay.”

Chava did most of the talking for the next few minutes. All David had to do was nod or make noises to indicate his interest occasionally, even though he was zoned out for most of the conversation. He was comforted by his daughter and her voice. She squirmed a little, though she didn’t object to being held.

“Breakfast, Chava,” Jack said.

“Okay. Are you coming, Daddy?”

“Daddy’s gonna rest, sweetheart,” his fiancé told her on his behalf. 

“But breakfast is important!” she protested.

“I know. He’ll have breakfast later.”

Chava pouted. It was almost enough to force David out of bed, but he couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t. Jack saved the day.

“What, am I not good enough for you?” he joked, pretending to be offended.

Chava giggled and when Jack picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, she squealed happily. Jack gave David an apologetic look for the noise. It was okay. His head still hurt a lot but any pain was worth hearing his daughter be so happy. 

He must have dozed off at some point while Jack and Chava were eating because the next thing he knew, his mother was standing over him, a kind smile on her face.

“David? Hi, kochanie. How are you feeling?”

“Bad.”

She sat down on the bed. 

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for Chava,” he whispered. His voice was raspy from lack of use.

“My pleasure. Let me fix this for you.” She went to the bathroom and wet the now dry cloth. It made him feel like a little kid again. He didn’t mind.

“Tell Jack if you need anything. I told him to text or call me.” She kissed his forehead. “I love you.” She sounded sad.

David caught her wrist before she could leave.

“Don’t be sad.”

“Oh, boychik…you’re so good. Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. Just rest and let Jack take care of you.”

“Yes, please do,” Jack said. He was standing at the threshold to the room. “Let me take care of you.”

“Okay,” he whispered.

“Thank you.”

His mother left to take Chava to school and Jack stepped into the en-suite. David heard the bath filling up and felt another tear roll down his cheek. “What’s wrong?” Jack asked.

He shrugged.

“Do you not want to take a bath?”

“I do. I’m just…I don’t know.”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to know. Come on, baby, I’ll help you up.”

Jack was patient and attentive as he helped David undress and get in the tub. He’d turned the lights off and lit candles, and David felt like the luckiest person in the world. Jack sat down on the floor and rested his arms on the lip of the tub.

He exhaled in contentment when he sank into the hot water. Everything still felt heavy and hopeless, but there was something about it that was relaxing.

“Do you want me to give you some time alone?” Jack offered.

“No. Don’t want to be alone.”

“Then you won’t be.”

David closed his eyes and leaned back, resting his head on the cool tile. When they’d been apartment hunting, David hadn’t cared much as long as there was a nice room for Chava and a big bath. Jack had laughed at his request. He’d wanted a bath for years and now that he had it, he used it constantly. It was one of the only luxuries in life David didn’t feel bad taking advantage of. It relaxed him and, on evenings when Chava stayed at her grandparents’ house or her aunt’s apartment, it was a romantic way to stay in for the night.

They’d had two of those nights since moving in, and both nights had culminated in important and deep conversations. David could tell another one was on the horizon.

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“What?”

“Yesterday, you called Sarah?”

He shook his head, bumping it lightly. “No, Chava did. She knows to call Sarah when I’m like that.”

“Can’t you tell her to call me in the future?”

David gave in to the idea that the conversation was going to happen and opened his eyes.

“Why?”

“Why? Because I’m your fiancé and I want to take care of you,” he explained.

“You are.”

“I wasn’t before. I spent a whole day at work, not knowing that you were in pain.”

He shrugged.

“You’re pretty casual about it.” He sounded annoyed.

“Please don’t be upset with me. Can’t handle it right now.”

Jack deflated. 

“Sorry. I’m not upset with you, I just wish you would call me.”

“Jacky…I need my siblings when that happens. Not that I don’t want you too, but I need them. I’m sorry. It doesn’t mean I trust them more or whatever you’re thinking, it’s just how it is in those situations.”

He closed his eyes again, drained just from saying that.

“Why didn’t you have them call me too?”

“I don’t know. Didn’t occur to me that it was an option. I don’t think much when I’m like that.”

“You know you can, right? You know I’d do anything for you?” His tone was desperate and David felt a small pang of guilt.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“No, I don’t want you being sorry. I won’t be offended or whatever if you don’t want me there.” Obviously a lie. “Whatever makes you feel best.”

“It’s not that I don’t want you there, it’s that I don’t have the energy to want anything. And…honestly, it’s a little embarrassing.”

“Why?”

He felt a blush spread across his face.

“I can’t do anything. I can’t even get from the bed to the bathroom by myself. I need help with a glass of water. I’ve seen my siblings at their worst and so it’s not as embarrassing, but…”

Jack reached into the water and took one of David’s hands in both of his.

“I’m your fiancé. I will never, ever judge you for needing help. I understand if you want it to be Sarah or Les, I promise–” He sounded sincere. “–but, Dave, you’ve seen me at my worst too. You’ve held me while I sit with my clothes on in the empty tub, rocking back and forth and crying like a toddler, sweating and angry because I want to drink.”

“You can’t control that.”

“And you can’t control this. Even if you could, I’d be there for you.”

“Me too. For you.” It was getting harder and harder to speak.

“Oh, hell, baby, I didn’t mean to make you talk so much. I’m sorry.”

“`S okay.”

Jack kissed his temple.

“I’m sorry. We can be done talking about it.”

“Jacky?” He couldn’t muster the energy to open his eyes.

“Yes, baby?”

“Love you. Thanks for taking care of me.”

“I love you, too, and I’ll always take care of you.” He kissed his bare shoulder. “There’s nothing I’d rather be doing.”

David believed him.


End file.
